say not that friendship's but a name
sincere we none can find;
an empty bubble in the air,
a phantom of the mind.

what is life without a friend?
a dreary race to run;
a desert where no water is,
a world without a sun.

i might just, start liking the cold

a little bit more
when i snuggle
into the deliciously warm part of the bed
where you lay untill a few minutes ago

a tad more
when i catch a snowflake with the tip of my tongue
and it makes my mouth tingle
melting down my throat and warming my heart
just like your kiss a few hours ago

just a little bit more
when the cold, biting wind
hugs every inch of my body
numbing, and reminiscent
of the ecstasy that coursed through my body
as you loved me, only a night ago

defiant. belligerent. reckless. irreverent. impatient. restless. uprooted.

atrophied fingers itching to wriggle and break free of the constraints of civility. to deform, deface, destroy. the deceptively strong arms of faith slack, weak and weary. the seemingly infinite wells of patience, drained and depleted. demons that inhabit the dark crevices of my soul emerge victorious. and i shall never be the same.

sigh…whats that I hear you say? you are here now? to save me from myself? aah but it is too late. so leave now. lest you be poisoned by the venomous hatred that flows through my veins. but before you do, one last kiss my love?

Dear Papa

I have not as many memories of you,
Of summer afternoons in a park
As I have of mamma and me
And endless hours of scrabble.
But guilty I am, of ignoring
How patiently you waited outside
As mamma and I would debate colours
Over prices, how we would haggle.

I cannot recall, not once
Your interest in my homework
Or, for that matter
Your presence at a PTA meet.
But selfishly I overlooked, that you
Brought home every single summer
My favourite mangoes, so deliciously sweet.

Always tied up you were
In the binds of fraternity and kin
And I never felt you appreciated
My honesty, or recognised my individuality.
But how wrapped was I in
The immature trappings of youth
That I could not look beyond
What I perceived was, insensitivity?

I do not remember your asking me
About my first day in college
About my teachers, "do you like them"?
Or even, "how are your grades?".
But never can I forget, how you
Painstakingly packed my suitcases
How you hugged me and cried
Bid me farewell, at the airport gates.

You were never on my side
You called me a rebel
Never had we, any conversations
But oh arguments there were galore.
Now my heart flips with joy
For I love how much we talk
When I call out to you
Anytime, from any distant shore.

I fell in love, it broke and trampled my heart
And try as I might, I could not think
Of anyone to turn to but you
To pick me up, to help me cope.
You held me long and you held me tight
In your arms so strong. And spoke to me
Like never before. Yes, I remember
Those magical words, of life and of hope.

"I probably never, have told you
In so many words. You my dear are
My pride and happiness, my source of strength
Bear ever in your heart, what I tell you now.
My little girl, for that is what you will always be
Whatever it takes, as long as I live,
No hurt, no pain, not a shadow of gloom
Will I, let crease your brow."

As I lie here, reminiscing years spent
Holding, begrudgingly, against you
Unspoken words, unfulfilled hugs
What a fool I have been, I realize.
My quest for a fairytale father
Ends here, now. For I have found
My knight in shining armor
In the love that shines, in my father's eyes.

Loneliness

Lay back
Close my eyes
A few
Delicious moments
Of nothingness
Absolute calm
Mind, blank

A tingle here
A tingle there
A million tiny explosions
Through
My very core

The pain that was
My Heart
Now flows
Coursing through
My veins
Rapid
But sure, Poison

Love
Seeped from
Every pore
Loneliness
Now emanates
Loneliness,
Is Me.

Don't you

hear the strangled screams of my ravaged heart
Or are they muffled and subdued
In your presence, misconstrued?

hear every resurgent hope of mine
Be dashed, wail and repine
With every condescending dismissal of thine?

hear the clink of gold, fill the empty coffers of my soul
Parched and lovelorn
Of all endearment shorn?

Untitled

Dare I attempt, yet cannot fathom,
The mystery that renders it uncommon.

My senses controlled, yet I succumb,
To the intoxication of the sweetest kind.

A twitch, the curve, so soft and full,
(sigh) A longing to touch it, but I pull back.

For if it vanished, so would my dreams,
The fire, iced; my heart, wrenched.

Endless the days would be, the nights the darkest ever,
A melancholy gloom eclipsing the joys of love.

So smile my love, do smile for me,
For it is what I live for , and it is that by which I love.